With apologies to Jen Lancaster

Being unemployed is nothing new. Neither is being fat. Or bitchy. So why are so many people telling me I should write a book about this?

Well, not just this experience.... a book, period. And don't think I'm not tempted by the idea. It's just that, once I try to think about what, exactly, the damn thing would be about, I can't think of anything to set me apart from any of the other, fat, mean, unemployed funny ladies out there. Except maybe my overuse of the word "fuck."

My family would be excellent book fodder, in my opinion. The only problem is, most of them are still alive,and what good is dishing the dirt when there's the potential to get called on it?

Fiction is out, because there's no way I'm going to be the next Devil Wear's Prada, and when you really get down to it, there's not a whole lot of originality in fiction this days, in my very snobby and literate opinion (I do have a degree in English, after all. Nyah).

Maybe I could talk about what it's like to be married to someone almost 20 years my senior. What would be a good title for that? How about He Cums Dust?

At any rate, it's a little idea that keeps bouncing around in my head and there was no way it was going to leave me alone until I put it the fuck out there. GOD. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, BRAIN?!?!