The post where I get really pissed off at humainty

Yesterday, I decided to venture out to Target to buy shorts for my fat ass and a collar for my asshole cat. For some reason, I decided to go a way I haven't gone before. As I drove down the street, I saw an very old man up ahead, running. Several cars passed him, along with a douche on a bike, and as I got closer, I saw he had one hand to his temple and wasn't running so much as staggering. I passed him, too, but only to make a U-turn to go back and check him out.

By this time, he was sitting on a low wall and hunched over. I rolled down my window and saw that he had blood running down his face, his legs were torn up and he was obviously in pain. I asked him if he was ok and he told me that he had fallen and was making his way back home. I offered him a ride and he accepted.

I drove him almost 3 miles back to an assisted living community, making small talk all the way. He told me his name was Chuck, where he went to church and that exercising was very important to him and he did it almost every day. Just not the falling down part. Chuck was fine and got inside ok, but the whole incident left me shaking and furious.

How many people had passed him besides the people ahead of me? After all, he was almost 3 miles from home on a busy street. And it wasn't like I had to twist his arm to get in the car, he was clearly hoping someone would come along and save him the excruciating, bloody walk home. I know I live in Phoenix and there are definitely some rough characters around, but this was an 80+ year-old man, for fuck's sake. He was wearing old man socks, sneakers and a crucifix around his neck... Nothing very threatening about that.

I don't know what else to say... the whole thing makes me sick. I lost a lot of faith in people yesterday.

"Now we must all fear evil men. But there is another kind of evil which we must fear most, and that is the indifference of good men."
-Boondock Saints

EDIT: I didn't write this post to get kudos or high fives or Brownie points... I'm fairly certain that most everyone who reads this blog would have done the same thing. It's just the apathy from these assholes that kills me.

More wedding shiz...

plus, it makes me want to slap a bitch

it continues to blow my mind that someone i've never met and who knows NOTHING about me, except from hearsay and what they've invented in their own little minds, can hate my guts so completely.

for tonight's toast, let's raise a glass to the crazy (current and ex) significant others of MY (current and ex) significant others.

it was just too good not to post

well, well, well! either someone needed a paycheck or actually removed the stick out her ass and found her sense of humor!

grandma's been baking...

and she made this loverly easter cake. it's a lamb. with easter eggs behind it. the spikes are to hold its head on, which was so heavy it kept falling off.

i laughed until i threw up.

dear lord baby jesus,

please cleanse this earth by letting paris hilton die a horrible, fiery death. irrelevant and uninteresting news about that twat is clogging my google reader.

i don't care if it's by lightning bolt, getting eaten alive by hyenas, vaginal explosion or choking on the spunk she guzzles daily, i just need you to get rid of her. people like her are using up the oxygen the rest of us need. plus, i think her sense of entitlement and ego are making the hole in the ozone layer even bigger.

kthxbye and amen.

For April Fool's

...I'm reposting something I wrote a while back. It still makes me giggle.

Muppet Writes Tell-All Book
by Chester Fairfax, Freelance Reporter

At a press conference early Monday morning, one of the nation’s most beloved and talented Muppets, Kermit The Frog, announced that his tell-all book, "It’s Not Easy Being Molested," concerning his relationship with Jim Henson, would be released later on this month.

"It’s time," he said. "I’ve lived with this horrible secret since 1955, and, even after [Henson’s] death, it’s still haunted me. After a lot of soul-searching, therapy and continuous support from my friends, I’m finally ready to set the truth free."

Frog had to momentarily turn away from the podium at one point to compose himself. He took no questions, and was placed back into his case, carried by current partner, Steve Whitmire, who took over the handling of Frog after Henson’s death in 1990.

In an exclusive phone interview, Frog gave intimate details about his life with Henson. Frog and Henson met in 1955, when Henson created Frog out of a green sock and a ping-pong ball cut in half. Their relationship was purely professional at first, with Frog serving as Henson’s alter-ego. Henson also created all of Frog’s friends, but he singled Frog out.

"Yeah, of course he had his hand up my ass," Frog said. "He had his hand up everyone’s ass! But, I mean, it was purely professional with the others. With me, though, I don’t know how or why it happened, but I was on stage one night for The Muppet Show, doing the intro for Gonzo and his singing chickens, and I felt Jim’s fingers start to kind of stroke my insides. My blood ran cold and I knew right then it would never be the same again."

Frog suffered as Henson became increasingly demanding, often calling Frog late at night and demanding to know if Frog was seeing other Muppeteers. "I never knew when or where he was going to be," he said. "I’d be sleeping at night and then all of a sudden my case would be flooded with light, and Jim would be standing there, holding the lid open, just looking down at me and kind of doing this panting thing. I’d try to tell him to go away, I was sleeping, but, inevitably, I’d end up on his hand."

Frog was too embarrassed to ask for help, he said, and often felt alienated from the other Muppets. "The worst part about the whole situation was that it was happening in front of everyone, on national television," he said. "And nobody knew! Nobody even guessed! I masked whatever I was feeling for the good of the show, but for me, the pain was always there."

Henson continued to take advantage of Frog up until Henson's death, and Frog attributes his own inability to connect with the other Muppets to the abuse.

"There’s this great girl, Piggy, who loves me more than anything, and I can’t commit to her," Frog said. "When I see her pink, whiskered face looming next to mine, all I can see is Jim’s beard and then I freak out. I’m amazed that she’s stuck around this long." Frog’s relationships with other Muppets, including Fozzie, Gonzo and Rowlf have also suffered.

"They were so oblivious to how much pain I was in," Frog said of Rowlf and Gonzo, who were also Muppeteered by Henson. "I know it’s not their fault; they had no idea. But it hurt that Jim didn’t treat them the way he treated me. Jim and Rowlf and Gonzo were totally business, all the time, and they had this great relationship where no one was being victimized, and I couldn’t stand it."

Frog also mentioned how he fell into depression and often considered suicide, but was unable to follow through. "I’d sit there with the gun in my hand, and I’d just think, ‘I can’t do this to my fans, to the people who love me,’ and I’d get scared and chicken out."

Years of intensive therapy followed in the wake of Henson’s death, and now, for the first time, Frog is finally beginning to feel free. He credits much of his recovery to his girlfriend, Piggy, and Whitmire, who took Frog to a relationship healing retreat, a place of nurturing and understanding, where partners spend the days working through a series of obstacles and exercises created to help instill trust in one another.

"Steve’s been really good with me, showing me that not all Muppeteers are out to get you," he said. "He’s helping me learn to feel again, and he takes it really slow with me, and I couldn’t ask for a better man to work with. I’m finally beginning to feel that it really is easy to be green."

(Kermit, during his troubled years)