the one where i try not to be bitter, but really am

unless you've been under a rock or have no immediate contact with me, you know that i've been laid off from my job at the company that starts with "zoo" and ends with "loo," and i'll be damned if i put them together so this blog can come up on their google alerts.

to make a long story short, the way i found out i was going to get laid off was when i tried to log on to my work e-mail before i left in the morning, and found that my account had been disabled. i called the VP and demanded an explanation and was told that i "better come in the office and talk to the CEO." oh, and that it "wasn't personal, just financial."

fucking AWESOME.

so, i cry my eyes out to rob, take a shower while sobbing, put on some nice clothes (because there's no way i'm going to get fired looking like a schlub) and bravely drive to work. thankfully, i was the only one besides the CEO there and it was short and sweet. he was very nice about it and i got a 2 week severance, so it wasn't horrible, but it still fucking sucked.

i would like nothing more than to bash the shit out of the company, the product and the people, give them all the giant finger and burn every bridge i can, but the truth of the matter is that i liked the company, i liked what i was doing and i liked the people. yes, i was bored a lot, but that's because there wasn't enough work to keep me busy. i work hard and i work quickly, and a lot of times companies just can't keep up. oh, and the fact that i was a financial burden and my salary could be better put to use by gaining sign-ups might have had something to do with my dismissal. BUT IT WAS PURELY FINANCIAL.

for the past week and a half, i've been eating my feelings, having a bad attitude and applying for every goddamn writing and editing position i can find. and it sucks donkey balls. i've built a professional resume AND website with the help of my very gracious cousin. i've written a professional cover letter with just a hint of my quirky personality (i may or may not have used the phrase "grammar nazi") and no nibbles. i'm going crazy being at home all day. i call rob AT LEAST 8 times a day just to talk to someone. i even talk to the fucking cats. let me repeat that: I TALK TO THE CATS. for someone who claims to hate people, i'm a hell of a lot more social than i give myself credit for, and the lack of human interaction is already taking its toll.

i've cycled through the stages of grief about 27 times now and am currently set to "anger." i'm angry that my work wasnt valued enough, i'm angry that they asked if i would still freelance, i'm angry that i have to go try and find a job in this piece of shit economy, i'm angry that my husband has to foot all the bills, i'm angry that i cannot contribute monetarily to this marriage (but at least i still give great head), i'm angry that i have to try and sell myself, i'm angry that i cannot find a job prospect that looks even the least bit interesting to me, i'm angry that i don't have enough hobbies to keep me occupied, i'm angry that my lack of hobbies means i'm going to have to clean the house to keep busy, i'm angry that no one is going to pay me to be mean and bitchy and snarky and funny and a smartass and a good writer all in one, and i'm angry that i have no idea what direction i want my life to go in.

pass the razor

laid off

pros for being laid off:
don't have to go to work
have more time to go to the gym
don't have to see people who annoy me anymore
get to sleep in
get to pursue a career in something i really want to do
more time for freelance work

cons for being laid off:
can't go to work
no insurance
have more time to go to the gym
no money
i have no idea what kind of career i really want to pursue
deep depression
have to whore myself out to anyone who'll give me freelance work

thankful for the little things

today really sucked. it was a bad day. it went on for hours and hours.

and then rob and i got home, ate pizza, had wine and watched movies. and the cats curled up with us and purred and slept.

everything isn't better and everything isn't perfect. but it's a damn good deal better than it was.

i love my husband, i love our little family we've created and i love the home we all share. it makes days like today so much more bearable.

tying my tubes

talking to my stepdaughter (hahahahaha) makes me realize that i would make the worst. mother. ever.

i am not cut out for this shit.

un-honeymoon

a couple of things:

1. when choosing a honeymoon destination, do not pick:
a) a place that you've already been to
b) a place your husband wants to go to because BrewFest is there (gross)
c) a place where there's nothing to do
d) portland, aka all of the above

2. your trip officially ceases to be a honeymoon when your husband's uncle dies the second day you're there (really sad, he was a sweet old man and i liked him a lot). if you're still unsure, ask yourself this: are you sitting at a funeral right now? then it's no longer a honeymoon.

3. when, on your wedding night, your husband's best friend decides, in a drunken stupor, to stick his hand up your dress and goose your goodies, do not wait until you see him again to confront him, especially if the next time you see him is on your honeymoon. kick him in the face right then and there and be done with it. waiting until everyone is sobered up/4 months later is a bad idea, especially if it's right after BrewFest and everyone is a little more drunk than you thought they were.

4. if you can't fuck your husband for about half the trip because you're bleeding like a stuck pig because SOMEONE decided they were going to quit taking the pill and then their system got all out of whack and they didn't get their period for 4 whole months, well then that sucks a giant tit, now doesn't it?

5. if you call your mother in tears at any point in the trip, you can pretty much bet the honeymoon's over.

6. overall, we had a nice trip, but we both agreed that there was nothing "honeymoon" about it. next year, we're going to a place where cell phones don't work, there's lots to see and do and there are no idiot friends to cock it up. oh, and no one's allowed to die.