New business venture

Doing what every unemployed person does: venturing into the greeting card business. Behold, our holiday selection (more to come): http://www.zazzle.com/reddiwit

Dear GoDaddy.com,

If you're reading this, I'm sorry. But you did ask if I could spin a tale and didn't have a problem with black humor, so you have no one but yourself to blame. Also, I say "fuck" about 90,000 times in this blog. Well, 90,001. Please to enjoy.

meow

is it part of the genetic make-up of a siamese cat that not only are they loud, they're goddamn retarded, too?

not getting my hopes up...

but i had an AMAZING fucking interview today. i have another a second one on thursday, and if i charm the shit out of them, the job's mine. here's hoping!

zombie number 2

if anyone wants to know whether or not zombies go to the bathroom, please allow me to direct you to the 2nd floor woman's bathroom, where it smells like a zombie took a giant, liquid shit all over the place. no lie, you can SEE the smell.

it's not like i poop rainbows, but seriously? do it at home, a truck stop bathroom, mcdonald's, ANYWHERE BUT HERE. you're making the baby jesus weep.

i didn't realize it was possible to run away and vomit at the same time, but every day's a learning experience.

fuck, i can't wait to be done at this place.

thighs... burning...

(while doing the 30 day shred video featuring that cunt from "biggest loser" at the ungodly hour of 5am with rob, who i dragged out of bed)

rob: i fucking hate this! it's so hard!
me: that's what it's called "30 day shred," not "30 day fluffy bunnies." shut it.
rob: ...i changed my mind, i hate you.

needless to say, the next month is going to suck.

welcome to hell

it's going to be 101 today. oh, and our AC unit broke last night. i'd write more, but i have to go unstick rob's balls from the chair.

Coat hanger or tampon?

The best part about being married and unemployed with no real health insurance is getting to play the Oh, Fuck, Am I Pregnant?!?! game Every. Single. Month.

I won another round this month, THANK GOD. No sperm shall be able to impregnate my mighty, blackened, hate-filled uterus!